1 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:05,129 ? ? 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,651 Well, should we say prayers first? 3 00:00:10,654 --> 00:00:12,487 (laughter) 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,472 (laughs): Can you imagine? 5 00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:15,732 What a bunch of losers. 6 00:00:15,826 --> 00:00:18,552 Oh, sometimes I like the kind of trash we are. 7 00:00:18,554 --> 00:00:20,236 So, how'd everyone sleep? 8 00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:21,331 - Fine. - Good. 9 00:00:21,557 --> 00:00:24,074 Not good. I heard Meg having a one-some. 10 00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:26,910 Oh, I had the most random dream. 11 00:00:27,004 --> 00:00:28,170 Peter, you were there. 12 00:00:28,397 --> 00:00:29,632 - Uh-huh. - We were at home. 13 00:00:29,656 --> 00:00:30,839 Except in my dream... 14 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,749 Oh, Brian, wait, you got to hear this. 15 00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:34,734 Our house looked like Grandma's house, 16 00:00:34,753 --> 00:00:36,633 and for some reason, I was in my underwear, 17 00:00:36,738 --> 00:00:38,238 shaking a big bag of kibble. 18 00:00:38,256 --> 00:00:41,016 Meg, you spilled Doritos on the carpet, 19 00:00:41,093 --> 00:00:42,909 and I was trying to vacuum them up, 20 00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:46,262 but the vacuum had hair all over it for some reason. 21 00:00:46,415 --> 00:00:47,597 Imagine that. 22 00:00:47,749 --> 00:00:50,007 And, Chris, you were wearing a tie 23 00:00:50,102 --> 00:00:52,435 'cause you had an interview at the brewery, 24 00:00:52,588 --> 00:00:53,845 if you can believe it. 25 00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,088 (chuckles) 26 00:00:55,181 --> 00:00:57,348 Well, that is one crazy dream. 27 00:00:57,368 --> 00:00:59,442 LOIS: That's not even the crazy part. 28 00:00:59,595 --> 00:01:02,278 - (crunching) - Brian, I asked you to drive him, 29 00:01:02,431 --> 00:01:04,931 but you kept saying your car was in Nevada. 30 00:01:04,950 --> 00:01:07,024 Wow, that is nuts. 31 00:01:07,044 --> 00:01:09,285 - (whispers): Stewie! - (grunting) 32 00:01:09,438 --> 00:01:10,954 Ah, screw it. 33 00:01:11,106 --> 00:01:13,940 (crackling, zapping) 34 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:15,291 (people screaming) 35 00:01:15,444 --> 00:01:17,344 - Whew. - Oh, thank God. 36 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,873 (shivers) This is still better. 37 00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,299 S-S-Still better. 38 00:01:23,468 --> 00:01:24,784 S-Still so much better. 39 00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:27,470 And, Peter, you wanted to go swimming in our pool, 40 00:01:27,623 --> 00:01:29,789 - which of course we don't have. - Uh-huh. 41 00:01:29,791 --> 00:01:32,550 LOIS: You had this ridiculously giant towel. 42 00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:33,569 Uh-huh. 43 00:01:33,645 --> 00:01:35,962 Oh, and get this: it had Nemo on it. 44 00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:38,481 Oh, boy, that-that is, that is some dream. 45 00:01:38,634 --> 00:01:40,409 (cell phone ringing) 46 00:01:40,485 --> 00:01:42,911 LOIS: And he was wearing giant sunglasses. 47 00:01:43,138 --> 00:01:44,228 Uh-huh. 48 00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:46,397 Poor bastard's stuck hearing a wife dream. 49 00:01:46,417 --> 00:01:48,808 Yeah, I kept telling you to pick it up, pick it up, 50 00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:50,810 but there was cotton in my mouth. 51 00:01:50,829 --> 00:01:51,829 Oh, my goodness. 52 00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:53,571 My uncle died this way. 53 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,718 LOIS: Oh, and we had cats for some reason. 54 00:01:55,742 --> 00:01:56,925 Uh-huh. 55 00:01:57,152 --> 00:02:00,077 Uhp, I backed up all the way into the show before us. 56 00:02:00,155 --> 00:02:01,655 Wife talking about her dream. 57 00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:03,473 Homer, you've got company. 58 00:02:05,269 --> 00:02:07,010 Why are there two sets of prices? 59 00:02:07,104 --> 00:02:09,104 One's the Emmy-winner discount. 60 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,922 Ah. 61 00:02:11,016 --> 00:02:12,849 Black coffee and toast, please. 62 00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:16,836 ? It seems today that all you see ? 63 00:02:16,855 --> 00:02:20,115 ? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ? 64 00:02:20,342 --> 00:02:23,267 ? But where are those good old-fashioned values ? 65 00:02:23,361 --> 00:02:26,437 ? On which we used to rely? ? 66 00:02:26,457 --> 00:02:29,958 ? Lucky there's a family guy ? 67 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:33,462 ? Lucky there's a man who positively can do ? 68 00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:35,130 ? All the things that make us ? 69 00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:36,539 ? Laugh and cry ? 70 00:02:36,692 --> 00:02:42,387 ? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ? 71 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:45,348 ? ? 72 00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,887 Oh, so wonderful to see you all. 73 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:53,148 The kids are getting so big. 74 00:02:53,317 --> 00:02:54,891 Especially Chris. 75 00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,634 Is he diabetic? 76 00:02:56,728 --> 00:02:59,229 We don't see doctors, but we're pretty sure. 77 00:02:59,323 --> 00:03:00,638 May I take your order? 78 00:03:00,732 --> 00:03:02,732 Crayons and a silly map, please. 79 00:03:02,884 --> 00:03:04,326 Excellent choice. 80 00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:05,913 ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this program 81 00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:08,054 for a Channel Five special report. 82 00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:09,164 Good evening, Quahog. 83 00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,315 The Exxon Pewterschmidt has crashed 84 00:03:11,335 --> 00:03:13,226 and released millions of gallons of oil 85 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,004 into the Gulf of Mexico, contaminating marine life 86 00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:18,898 and causing irreparable damage to the ecosystem. 87 00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:21,676 Two anonymous whistleblowers blame negligence. 88 00:03:21,828 --> 00:03:24,420 They cut corners left and right. This was inevitable. 89 00:03:24,573 --> 00:03:26,589 What happened to the oil-covered little crab? 90 00:03:26,742 --> 00:03:28,666 He, uh, he-he had to leave. 91 00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:31,411 - Did you eat the little crab? - They cut a lot of corners! 92 00:03:31,504 --> 00:03:33,763 Oh, my God, those poor fish. 93 00:03:33,857 --> 00:03:35,190 They're in water. 94 00:03:35,359 --> 00:03:37,378 If they can't get clean in water, where can they get clean? 95 00:03:37,402 --> 00:03:39,085 This is serious, Daddy. 96 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,511 Sweetie, if it was so serious, 97 00:03:40,531 --> 00:03:43,532 we'd flip to me in a boardroom with a crisis team. 98 00:03:45,685 --> 00:03:47,427 Ah, I didn't grab my drink. 99 00:03:47,429 --> 00:03:49,262 Mr. Pewterschmidt, it's imperative 100 00:03:49,281 --> 00:03:52,874 we do immediate damage control, or your stock will plummet. 101 00:03:54,102 --> 00:03:54,951 See what I'm doing here? 102 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,045 The "throw the money at it" gesture. 103 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,691 Pay someone to do something worse 104 00:03:58,715 --> 00:04:00,290 so everyone forgets my thing. 105 00:04:00,384 --> 00:04:01,384 Cue the video. 106 00:04:01,552 --> 00:04:04,702 (film whirring, beeping) 107 00:04:04,721 --> 00:04:06,471 ? ? 108 00:04:07,616 --> 00:04:09,707 Hi. I'm Joseph Hazelwood, 109 00:04:09,785 --> 00:04:12,468 former captain of the Exxon Valdez 110 00:04:12,621 --> 00:04:16,456 and 1987 Anchorage Ballroom Dance Champion. 111 00:04:16,474 --> 00:04:17,957 That gets a little overshadowed, 112 00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:20,569 but it doesn't diminish the accomplishment. 113 00:04:20,645 --> 00:04:23,071 Anyway, as someone who single-handedly spilled 114 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:27,075 11 million gallons of oil into the Prince William Sound, 115 00:04:27,152 --> 00:04:30,637 I know a thing or two about evading responsibility. 116 00:04:30,806 --> 00:04:33,230 Just find a scapegoat to blame it on. 117 00:04:33,308 --> 00:04:35,232 The number two man in the company 118 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,901 or a relative. 119 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,661 Perhaps a son-in-law. 120 00:04:38,814 --> 00:04:42,424 A simpleton to blame things on. 121 00:04:47,505 --> 00:04:48,763 Ow! 122 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:50,006 Ah! 123 00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:52,325 There's some kind of force field. 124 00:04:52,344 --> 00:04:54,344 Ah! Ah! 125 00:04:54,496 --> 00:04:57,163 Daddy, you are not blaming this on Peter. 126 00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:58,998 Some other options are a donation 127 00:04:59,092 --> 00:05:00,683 and a photo op at an orphanage. 128 00:05:00,777 --> 00:05:02,852 Or building a Holocaust memorial. 129 00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:06,072 Ugh, haven't those Nazis been praised enough? 130 00:05:11,012 --> 00:05:12,770 Hello, hello. 131 00:05:12,864 --> 00:05:15,531 Welcome to Our Lady of the Immaculate Anus. 132 00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:17,350 I think that word is "Agnes." 133 00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:18,518 Oh, no. 134 00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:20,870 That's the only reason I volunteered here. 135 00:05:21,022 --> 00:05:23,373 I need a photo with an orphan. Are you in charge? 136 00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:26,468 Oh, no, I just volunteers on weekends. 137 00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:29,045 I love kids, and I'm an expert at going, 138 00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:31,381 "Tsk, tsk, tsk." 139 00:05:31,475 --> 00:05:33,290 Uh, that one looks the least filthy. 140 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,719 Okay, let's get a picture so I can get out of here. 141 00:05:36,872 --> 00:05:38,952 I bet you're only here 'cause you did something bad 142 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,185 and think a photo with an orphan will fix it. 143 00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:42,375 Well, duh. 144 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,153 Then if you want a photo, you have to buy me candy. 145 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,155 I'm not buying you candy. Go to hell. 146 00:05:47,382 --> 00:05:50,141 There's plenty of other CEOs who will. 147 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,326 And Andrew Cuomo. 148 00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,887 Who wants to see my nipple rings? 149 00:05:53,905 --> 00:05:57,573 Now bring that face over here for an unwanted smooch. 150 00:05:57,726 --> 00:06:00,226 Okay, fine. We'll go across the street to Rexall's 151 00:06:00,245 --> 00:06:01,986 and get some menthol jellies. 152 00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:03,320 You like menthol jellies? 153 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,424 Oh, what am I saying? Every kid loves menthol jellies. 154 00:06:07,493 --> 00:06:09,827 What's going on? Do you have Parkinson's? 155 00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:11,404 No, I'm skipping. 156 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,998 Skipping? Never heard of it. 157 00:06:14,092 --> 00:06:15,833 Hey, how many of these orphans are really just 158 00:06:15,852 --> 00:06:18,077 adult little people hiding from the law? 159 00:06:18,096 --> 00:06:21,005 Just the ones in large bonnets smoking cigars. 160 00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:24,250 My people groped Judy Garland something awful. 161 00:06:24,269 --> 00:06:25,568 Look it up. 162 00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:31,274 Kind of a dick move to open a candy store 163 00:06:31,426 --> 00:06:33,493 across the street from an orphanage. 164 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,591 Sorry, we have to hold an adult's hand 165 00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:38,948 when we cross the street. 166 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,100 No, it's fine. 167 00:06:40,268 --> 00:06:41,988 I just can't remember the last time 168 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:44,028 someone held my hand. 169 00:06:44,105 --> 00:06:45,696 It's kind of nice. 170 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:47,882 So, what happened to your parents? 171 00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:50,552 They left me on the orphanage steps as a baby. 172 00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:54,130 That should be funny to me, but for some reason, it's not. 173 00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:56,132 Well, thank you for the candy. 174 00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:57,726 I actually enjoyed it. 175 00:06:57,877 --> 00:06:59,710 You're good company. 176 00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:02,355 ? ? 177 00:07:08,739 --> 00:07:11,130 You know, this is a crazy thought, 178 00:07:11,224 --> 00:07:13,299 but you're crammed in this filthy place 179 00:07:13,318 --> 00:07:14,892 while I've got a gigantic house. 180 00:07:14,911 --> 00:07:17,303 - Why don't you come live with me? - Really? 181 00:07:17,322 --> 00:07:18,821 Yeah. I could buy you. 182 00:07:18,974 --> 00:07:21,324 - You mean adopt? - Oh, whatever they call it. 183 00:07:21,418 --> 00:07:22,895 It'll be nice to have you around. 184 00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:25,569 Why, we'll make a better team than the Brooks Brothers. 185 00:07:25,589 --> 00:07:27,922 Hey, I can make boxy suits. 186 00:07:28,074 --> 00:07:29,424 And I only know lacrosse guys. 187 00:07:29,651 --> 00:07:30,811 ANNOUNCER: Brooks Brothers: 188 00:07:30,835 --> 00:07:33,428 look sharp at your sexual assault trial. 189 00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,505 What do you say? Want to come live with us? 190 00:07:35,657 --> 00:07:37,657 Well, I've never had a parent to tell me 191 00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:40,417 not to go home with strangers, so sure. 192 00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:42,064 Great, why don't you go wait in the car. 193 00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,975 I'm just gonna get a receipt in case we get home 194 00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:45,923 and you have a clubfoot or something. 195 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:47,500 - I don't. - Uh, yeah, 196 00:07:47,519 --> 00:07:49,402 I'll-I'll probably just grab the receipt. 197 00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:55,450 ? ? 198 00:07:56,787 --> 00:07:59,345 For our top story tonight, we go to the statehouse 199 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,198 with Uncomfortable Audio Delay Gina. 200 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:02,540 Gina? 201 00:08:07,964 --> 00:08:10,373 - We seem to be having a prob... - That's right, Tom. 202 00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:13,543 I just found out my father adopted a little girl. 203 00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:15,361 - Carter? - Yeah, if he wanted a little girl, 204 00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:16,932 we could've just given him Stewie. 205 00:08:16,956 --> 00:08:19,382 Whoa! And good morning to you, too, Pop. 206 00:08:19,534 --> 00:08:20,716 I just don't get it. 207 00:08:20,869 --> 00:08:23,478 I mean, Daddy's never taken an interest in kids. 208 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:26,797 Can anyone say "tax deduction"? 209 00:08:26,891 --> 00:08:29,225 (slurping) 210 00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:30,467 Yeah, you proud of that? 211 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:31,969 You proud of your comment, Brian? 212 00:08:31,988 --> 00:08:33,470 Taking aim at hypocrisy? 213 00:08:33,565 --> 00:08:35,639 Exposing the underbelly of human nature? 214 00:08:35,733 --> 00:08:37,383 - Uhp, I said "belly." - BRIAN: Belly?! 215 00:08:37,402 --> 00:08:39,402 Ugh, fine. 216 00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:41,571 - (panting) - There we go, kick the leg. 217 00:08:41,665 --> 00:08:43,505 That's how I know you're having a good time. 218 00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:44,999 I just don't get it. 219 00:08:45,151 --> 00:08:46,409 I was raised by our nanny. 220 00:08:46,578 --> 00:08:49,170 I mean, Daddy didn't even learn my name until I was eight. 221 00:08:49,339 --> 00:08:50,730 Well, what was it? 222 00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:53,566 - Lois. - Oh. 223 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:56,160 Every birthday, I begged him to take me to the zoo, 224 00:08:56,254 --> 00:08:58,346 and Mother made him take me. 225 00:08:58,573 --> 00:09:00,014 But it was the '80s. 226 00:09:00,241 --> 00:09:02,241 Daddy was always too busy making 227 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:03,721 giant cell phone deals on the beach. 228 00:09:03,745 --> 00:09:05,502 - (knocking) - Not now, Lois. 229 00:09:05,522 --> 00:09:06,837 What about the zoo? 230 00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:08,414 I'll take you to the trading floor 231 00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:09,916 on Wall Street instead. 232 00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:11,434 Now, that's a zoo. 233 00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,677 Ah, the guy, the guy on the other end is laughing. 234 00:09:13,771 --> 00:09:16,923 LOIS: We never made it to the zoo. 235 00:09:16,941 --> 00:09:19,926 My God, that poor little girl needs help. 236 00:09:19,928 --> 00:09:22,929 Check it out. Brian's got a belly rub erection. 237 00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:25,448 (laughter) 238 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,042 Oh, precious. Precious moments. 239 00:09:31,214 --> 00:09:32,863 Welcome, everyone. 240 00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:34,941 Oh, Mother, I came as soon as I heard. 241 00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:37,110 Now, where is the little girl? Is she okay? 242 00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:38,811 Oh, she's fine. 243 00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:41,890 She and Carter are painting each other's nails. 244 00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:44,559 What? He never did that with me. 245 00:09:44,786 --> 00:09:46,710 Your nails are already yellow. 246 00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:48,563 Yeah, the toes are the first to die. 247 00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:50,652 Just add some blue; it'll make it a nice green. 248 00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:51,882 We're out of blue. 249 00:09:51,902 --> 00:09:53,713 Well, then just slap some googly eyes on them 250 00:09:53,737 --> 00:09:55,311 and we've got ten little Minions. 251 00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:56,812 I like Minions. 252 00:09:56,907 --> 00:09:58,430 Not sexually. 253 00:09:58,483 --> 00:10:01,484 I realize bringing that up suggests otherwise. 254 00:10:01,578 --> 00:10:02,818 Now you say something. 255 00:10:02,971 --> 00:10:04,971 I'm not calling you my aunt, by the way, 256 00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,305 so get that out of your head. 257 00:10:06,324 --> 00:10:08,249 Well, I'm sure this will all end 258 00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:10,476 as soon as Daddy gets a business call. 259 00:10:10,495 --> 00:10:13,421 There's a Mr. Important on the line. 260 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,148 Tell him he'll have to wait. 261 00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:16,832 (gasps) What? 262 00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,260 Well, Daddy would always take business calls 263 00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:20,595 when I would play with him. 264 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:21,746 (clears throat) 265 00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:25,007 It's Mr. Important from the, uh... 266 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,492 "massage place." 267 00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:29,771 Oh. Of course I'll take it. You got to say that part. 268 00:10:32,776 --> 00:10:34,591 ANNOUNCER: We now return to Harry Potter 269 00:10:34,686 --> 00:10:36,611 and the Phone Call of Awkwardness. 270 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:37,946 Yeah, Hermione? 271 00:10:38,173 --> 00:10:40,097 Hey, it's me, Harry. 272 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:42,784 Um, remember that time I, um... 273 00:10:43,011 --> 00:10:44,786 I caught your snitch? 274 00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:46,770 Yeah, well, you may want 275 00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,939 to have your chamber of secrets checked 276 00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:50,625 because, um, it's possible 277 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,202 I may have given you Hogwarts. 278 00:10:53,371 --> 00:10:55,296 As you know, I insist my children 279 00:10:55,523 --> 00:10:57,373 are always taken care of financially. 280 00:10:57,467 --> 00:11:00,376 So, Tatum, I'm giving you this American Express card. 281 00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,952 But what about me, Daddy? 282 00:11:02,121 --> 00:11:03,454 I-I'm your daughter, too. 283 00:11:03,473 --> 00:11:05,715 Don't think for a moment I forgot about you, Lois. 284 00:11:05,809 --> 00:11:08,476 I'm giving you this Native American Express card. 285 00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,979 - Why? - I think you mean "how." 286 00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,221 That's offensive. 287 00:11:12,298 --> 00:11:13,898 I laughed. 288 00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,708 - (light dance music playing) - Care to dance? 289 00:11:20,732 --> 00:11:21,990 Sure. 290 00:11:23,384 --> 00:11:25,368 Boy, you're a great dancer. 291 00:11:28,406 --> 00:11:29,831 Mind if I cut in? 292 00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:31,224 Mind if I cut one? 293 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:32,742 - (farts) - Uhp, too late. 294 00:11:32,894 --> 00:11:36,337 All right, I got to go take a not-wetting-the-hair shower. 295 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,917 ANNOUNCER: We now return to House Hunters: Australia. 296 00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:45,329 So I carve boomerangs, and me wife is an 11-inch spider. 297 00:11:45,348 --> 00:11:46,756 Our budget is $7 million. 298 00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:49,091 We're looking for something close to the city center 299 00:11:49,244 --> 00:11:50,404 but with enough natural light 300 00:11:50,428 --> 00:11:52,078 so that we can maintain our sunburns. 301 00:11:52,096 --> 00:11:55,339 And just look at these spacious walk-in closets. 302 00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:58,026 Crikey, I might have to buy a second shirt. 303 00:11:58,177 --> 00:11:59,602 Lois, there you are. 304 00:11:59,754 --> 00:12:00,920 Don't you want to hang out with the family? 305 00:12:00,938 --> 00:12:03,531 Oh, (chuckles) I just needed to get some air. 306 00:12:03,758 --> 00:12:04,758 Look, I know your father 307 00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:07,276 wasn't there for you growing up, and it hurt, 308 00:12:07,445 --> 00:12:08,611 but you overcame that. 309 00:12:08,705 --> 00:12:10,854 You're the glue that holds this family together. 310 00:12:10,948 --> 00:12:14,283 Ah, thanks, Brian. I guess you're right. 311 00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:15,670 CARTER: Listen up! Everyone in the van! 312 00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,603 We're taking Tatum to the zoo! 313 00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:18,788 The zoo? 314 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,824 The zoo? What-what, are we returning Chris? 315 00:12:21,976 --> 00:12:22,976 (knocking) 316 00:12:23,053 --> 00:12:24,679 Hey, Meg, did you hear we're going to the zoo? 317 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,779 What, are-are we returning Chris? 318 00:12:26,798 --> 00:12:27,798 (knocking) 319 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,393 Hey, Chris, we're going to the zoo. 320 00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:31,095 - What, are we returning Chr... - (slaps) 321 00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:35,454 CHRIS: Keep my name out your (bleep) mouth! 322 00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:38,900 PETER: Wow, dude, it was a zoo joke. 323 00:12:39,127 --> 00:12:43,279 CHRIS: Keep my name out your (bleep) mouth! 324 00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:47,891 Just a heads-up: I have an itinerary 325 00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:50,319 that we have to stick to or I'll get really angry. 326 00:12:50,413 --> 00:12:51,913 Everyone loves a guy like me. 327 00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,414 All right, let's go. 328 00:12:53,641 --> 00:12:57,810 How is it always 25 degrees hotter here than anywhere else? 329 00:12:57,829 --> 00:12:59,736 Mom, are you okay? 330 00:12:59,756 --> 00:13:02,423 Oh, of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? 331 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,150 I'm at the zoo! 332 00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:05,985 After 30 years of asking Daddy 333 00:13:06,154 --> 00:13:08,487 to take me to the zoo, here I am! 334 00:13:08,506 --> 00:13:09,983 What else do you want, honey? Huh? 335 00:13:10,007 --> 00:13:12,749 My clothes? My car? You want to screw my husband? 336 00:13:12,844 --> 00:13:14,751 I wouldn't. I hear that husband of hers 337 00:13:14,771 --> 00:13:16,771 ain't hitting the mark, if you catch my drift. 338 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,273 Lois, will you take this little one to the bathroom? 339 00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:20,757 Fine. 340 00:13:20,852 --> 00:13:23,778 We'll wait here for you while I read this sign out loud. 341 00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:26,114 "No flash photography." 342 00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:28,932 Huh, I guess that means no photos with flashes, 343 00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:30,434 if I'm reading this right. 344 00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:33,121 Interesting. Is there anyone who hasn't read this sign? 345 00:13:33,272 --> 00:13:34,872 I can summarize it for you. 346 00:13:36,851 --> 00:13:38,793 (toilet flushing) 347 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,838 So unfair. 348 00:13:42,707 --> 00:13:44,874 Ugh, I look like Ron Weasley. 349 00:13:45,026 --> 00:13:48,194 I'm now a real estate broker in Winnersh. 350 00:13:48,212 --> 00:13:49,846 (door creaks) 351 00:13:50,807 --> 00:13:53,199 Tatum? Tatum? 352 00:13:53,217 --> 00:13:55,529 WOMAN: Could you be quiet? I'm trying to wipe myself 353 00:13:55,553 --> 00:13:58,295 with the thinnest toilet paper known to humankind. 354 00:13:58,314 --> 00:14:00,481 Why does that require silence? 355 00:14:01,726 --> 00:14:02,966 Tatum?! 356 00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:04,393 Oh, hey, Lois. What's wrong? 357 00:14:04,562 --> 00:14:07,304 Peter, you got to help me. I lost Tatum! 358 00:14:07,473 --> 00:14:10,140 Uh, we went into the bathroom, but now she's gone! 359 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,219 Well, if this isn't an excuse to climb a giraffe's neck, 360 00:14:13,388 --> 00:14:14,388 I don't know what is. 361 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,496 You see her? 362 00:14:15,648 --> 00:14:17,907 No, but do you see those hippos doing it? 363 00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:19,500 Giraffe! 364 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:26,507 ? ? 365 00:14:28,511 --> 00:14:29,511 There you are, Lois. 366 00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:31,328 I bought Tatum this stuffed penguin 367 00:14:31,347 --> 00:14:33,514 that didn't require washing blood and semen off it 368 00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:35,241 like the one you found for Stewie. 369 00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:36,425 Wha-wha-whaa? 370 00:14:36,577 --> 00:14:40,246 Uh, Daddy, I-I sort of lost Tatum. 371 00:14:40,264 --> 00:14:43,082 - You what?! - I swear it was an accident. 372 00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:45,084 Don't worry, Lois. We'll split up and look for her. 373 00:14:45,177 --> 00:14:47,436 On it. (grunts) 374 00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:50,198 Damn it, Chris! Now that's gonna be in our Fox promo. 375 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:51,660 - Sorry, Dad. - Sorry, Dad. 376 00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:52,849 ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Fox: 377 00:14:52,869 --> 00:14:55,945 Chris Griffin meets... Chris Griffin? 378 00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:57,947 Aw, there it goes. 379 00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,582 Sorry. 380 00:15:02,378 --> 00:15:04,119 Hey, you looking for that kid? 381 00:15:04,272 --> 00:15:07,215 Grab those keys and come in here and I'll tell you where she is. 382 00:15:07,442 --> 00:15:08,549 Ha. Nice try. 383 00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,659 I see that other wolf hiding behind the rock. 384 00:15:10,795 --> 00:15:12,720 Come on. Hey, you like scotch? 385 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:15,948 I got a 21-year Macallan in here. Let's have a drink. 386 00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:18,300 How does a wolf get a 21-year Macallan? 387 00:15:18,394 --> 00:15:20,061 It was a gift from a friend. 388 00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:21,137 Pretty good friend. 389 00:15:21,213 --> 00:15:23,046 - Hey, what do you do? - I'm a writer. 390 00:15:23,066 --> 00:15:25,377 -Wait a minute. What's your name? -Brian Griffin. 391 00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:27,384 Brian Griffin? I knew I recognized you. 392 00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:28,478 I read your book. 393 00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:30,479 You read Faster Than the Speed of Love? 394 00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:32,723 I sure did, and thanks for saying the title. 395 00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:35,368 Well, maybe I will come in for a Macallan. 396 00:15:37,138 --> 00:15:39,321 ? ? 397 00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,624 He didn't read my book. 398 00:15:44,479 --> 00:15:47,980 So I said, "What, are we returning Chris?" 399 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,316 Chris is my son. 400 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,001 All right, too smart for the room. 401 00:15:52,153 --> 00:15:53,002 What else? What else? 402 00:15:53,096 --> 00:15:54,465 Uh, you know, I hear the elephants 403 00:15:54,489 --> 00:15:55,629 are asking for a raise. 404 00:15:55,856 --> 00:15:58,491 Yeah, they're tired of working for peanuts. 405 00:15:58,584 --> 00:16:00,175 Why aren't you guys laughing? 406 00:16:00,328 --> 00:16:01,844 Our hyena president was shot. 407 00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:04,163 I know it's not a big deal in the human world, 408 00:16:04,181 --> 00:16:05,273 but it mattered to us. 409 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,317 But please continue. We want to feel normal. 410 00:16:09,504 --> 00:16:10,669 Any sign of Tatum? 411 00:16:10,688 --> 00:16:12,929 - No. - What's going on over there? 412 00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:14,657 (people murmuring) 413 00:16:16,861 --> 00:16:18,995 ? ? 414 00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:23,349 Oh, my God! Tatum's in the gorilla pit! 415 00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,367 Oh, no. (yawns) 416 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,536 Sorry, that was a bad time to yawn. 417 00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:29,630 ? ? 418 00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:35,544 Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker, 419 00:16:35,638 --> 00:16:37,638 live on the scene at Newport Zoo, 420 00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:40,199 where a young girl has fallen into the gorilla pit. 421 00:16:40,217 --> 00:16:42,535 The zoo wrangler, or a man in khaki shorts 422 00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:44,036 I can only assume is an expert, 423 00:16:44,055 --> 00:16:46,797 is now being lowered into the pit to rescue the child. 424 00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:48,185 - (gorillas snarling) - (man screaming) 425 00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:51,043 And is now being ripped limb from limb. 426 00:16:51,062 --> 00:16:52,447 - (screaming stops) - Uhp, hang on. 427 00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:55,230 He appears to be okay and is now exiting the pit. 428 00:16:55,325 --> 00:16:57,011 Nope, correction, that's just his face. 429 00:16:57,035 --> 00:16:59,660 A gorilla has ripped it off and is wearing it 430 00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:01,871 and is now walking out of the park. 431 00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:06,909 Say, could you direct me to your town's banana district? 432 00:17:07,036 --> 00:17:09,228 ? ? 433 00:17:09,246 --> 00:17:11,589 Somebody, please! Save her! 434 00:17:18,255 --> 00:17:19,474 Lois, what the hell are you doing? 435 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:20,848 I have to, Brian. 436 00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:22,165 This is all my fault. 437 00:17:22,185 --> 00:17:23,976 (grunts) 438 00:17:24,762 --> 00:17:26,187 (roaring) 439 00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,004 - (grunts) - (people gasp) 440 00:17:28,024 --> 00:17:29,357 - Lois! - Mom! 441 00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:32,342 Wow, from this angle, you can really see Lois's roots. 442 00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:34,086 (gorillas growling) 443 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:36,346 Nice gorillas. 444 00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:38,532 I'm a big fan of your glue. 445 00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:40,409 They do make good glue. 446 00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:43,520 My God, I can't watch. 447 00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:46,932 Look, a baby gorilla who can't stop sneezing. 448 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,001 (sneezing) 449 00:17:52,273 --> 00:17:53,273 ALL: Aw. 450 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,548 LOIS: Peter! 451 00:17:56,052 --> 00:17:58,386 (growling) 452 00:17:58,613 --> 00:18:00,888 Peter, what do I do?! 453 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,448 Tell them about your dream! 454 00:18:02,541 --> 00:18:04,800 What? They can't understand me! 455 00:18:04,952 --> 00:18:07,428 Doesn't matter. It's all tone and body language. 456 00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,600 Trust me, they'll know they don't want to be there. 457 00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:12,474 Well, uh, it's interesting you should say that 458 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:15,385 'cause I did have a particularly weird dream last night. 459 00:18:15,479 --> 00:18:16,940 Tell them how you were in our house 460 00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:19,407 but it was somehow different than our regular house. 461 00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:21,224 Well, we were in our house, 462 00:18:21,318 --> 00:18:23,371 except the laundry machine was in our kitchen, 463 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:24,561 if you can believe it. 464 00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:26,639 And it wasn't like our normal laundry machine. 465 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,042 It was more like our refrigerator. 466 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,346 PETER: Yeah, run with that. 467 00:18:29,419 --> 00:18:32,811 Oh, and Bonnie's brother was there, too, for some reason, 468 00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:34,813 which is totally random 'cause I haven't seen him 469 00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:36,832 in, like, oh, my God, seven years. 470 00:18:36,984 --> 00:18:39,093 But, you know, I did see a Facebook post of him 471 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:40,428 from, like, a month ago, 472 00:18:40,579 --> 00:18:42,482 so maybe that had something to do with it. 473 00:18:42,506 --> 00:18:43,580 Let's just go. 474 00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:45,266 No. I want to hear how this ends, 475 00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:46,675 then tell her my dream. 476 00:18:46,827 --> 00:18:49,161 Anyway, I was doing the wash, 477 00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:51,272 and smoke was coming out the machine, 478 00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:53,774 but it was more like a fog than a smoke. 479 00:18:53,851 --> 00:18:55,609 Lois! 480 00:18:55,836 --> 00:18:57,903 ? ? 481 00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:05,527 Thanks for saving my life. 482 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,196 Well, it was kind of my fault 483 00:19:07,348 --> 00:19:09,105 you were there in the first place. 484 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,016 I hope you can forgive me. 485 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,127 I always wanted a big sister. 486 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,337 ? ? 487 00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,358 How dumb do you have to be 488 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,785 to walk into a gorilla pit, eh, Brian? 489 00:19:21,879 --> 00:19:22,619 Brian? 490 00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:25,139 So, you've all read my book? 491 00:19:25,366 --> 00:19:27,624 ? ? 492 00:19:27,643 --> 00:19:30,627 They had read my book; they just didn't like it. 493 00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:34,540 And, Daddy, I'm so sorry for the way I acted. 494 00:19:34,558 --> 00:19:35,891 I guess I was just jealous 495 00:19:35,985 --> 00:19:37,985 of all the attention you were giving Tatum 496 00:19:38,154 --> 00:19:41,155 and afraid that she'd taken my place as your daughter. 497 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:44,566 Lois, the reason I've been giving Tatum so much attention 498 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:47,828 is because I know how badly I screwed up with you. 499 00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:51,740 I was never there, and it's the biggest regret of my life. 500 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:54,335 I'd give anything to go back and have a second chance 501 00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,486 to be a better father to you. 502 00:19:56,506 --> 00:19:59,548 Unfortunately, Tatum's as close as I'll get. 503 00:20:03,571 --> 00:20:06,013 Well, I'm sorry I became a bit of a monster. 504 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,497 I was just jealous. 505 00:20:07,591 --> 00:20:08,682 Trust me, that was nothing. 506 00:20:08,909 --> 00:20:10,709 When you were born, Babs was so jealous 507 00:20:10,745 --> 00:20:12,002 of the attention you got, 508 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,688 she used to put your head in the oven and try to cook you. 509 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,840 - Did I never tell you that? - What? No. 510 00:20:16,859 --> 00:20:19,251 That's... that's kind of disturbing. 511 00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:21,177 Yeah, well, that's the Pewterschmidts. 512 00:20:21,272 --> 00:20:23,422 CARTER (to the tune of The Brady Bunch theme): ? The Pewterschmidts ? 513 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,366 ? The Pewterschmidts ? 514 00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,161 ? We had three other kids who did not live ? 515 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,369 ? Ba ba da ba. ? 516 00:20:32,616 --> 00:20:33,949 ? ? 517 00:20:34,101 --> 00:20:37,527 Look at this, all of us eating together as a family. 518 00:20:37,621 --> 00:20:39,955 This is the closeness we missed with Lois. 519 00:20:40,107 --> 00:20:41,048 What? 520 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,033 I said this is the closeness 521 00:20:43,127 --> 00:20:44,610 we missed with Lois! 522 00:20:44,628 --> 00:20:46,870 - Tatum, how's your applesauce? - What? 523 00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:49,139 This isn't working. You have to leave. 524 00:20:50,393 --> 00:20:52,801 - What's happening? - They can't hear each other. 525 00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:54,979 Ha. Big table. 526 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,003 >>>>oakislandtk<<<<< www.opensubtitles.org 527 00:20:57,053 --> 00:21:01,603 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0